Where do I begin....

So how do you start a new post when the only thing in your life that hasn't changed in the last 6 weeks is your family and friends!?! Since I last posted, we have gone to Utah to visit family and attend the annual Beck family reunion; Visited California and got a very direct answer that we are supposed to move there; Returned to Durham only to have a few weeks to get our house on the market and more importantly to spend what little time we had left there with our best friends; and now to be in California leasing a house that I hope will become a home. So that is the short list of what we have been up to, but the more detailed one will be really hard for me to write!

In the last 6 weeks I have come to realize just how much I really do count my best friends as family. I just looked at the blogs of these friends and my heart really did just ache, in that real, painful, pitiful way that it does when it is breaking. I never thought that when I left anywhere besides our parents homes that I could feel the homesick, desperate feeling that I felt as a little kid when I rode on the bus the first time and waved good bye to my mom, wishing I could just stay with her. But I felt it when I left each of these homes for the last time at least for a little while.



And when I couldn't sleep this past week I lye in bed wondering how long it would be till I could convince them to move, too, as soon as possible right next door to me! And then I remembered when Paul and I were dating, and we knew that we loved each other, but we weren't engaged yet. We were both leaving to go back to school for fall semester, not really knowing what our relationship meant and how it would withstand the separation and the distance. And I guess it is the same feeling that I have now. What if we don't make it! That is the deepest most horrible fear of all. And just writing it seems cruel. But that is exactly what brings me comfort! I know that Paul and I both felt the same way when we were leaving and going our separate ways. We were scared to death that somehow, things would change and we might not make it.



But the reason that this brings me comfort is that I know the outcome of such an experience. We were scared for about a week, until we realized that we weren't ever going to change how we felt. No matter where we were, how far apart, or how long the separation- we were always going to feel the same way. We loved each other and that is what made the difference! And it really helped us trust and love each other more. So now I am just determined to not break the trust of these dear friends by keeping them as close to my heart as they have always been, and calling them just as I always have. And planning trips for us to take as well ;) I love you Katie and Linds. Thanks for being such spectacular and beautiful women and for helping me to be a better and person as well! Here's to our next trip...how does Kansas sound!?! It's in the middle, but that's about all it has going for it : )

And the funny looking picture of the guys isn't what they always look like. They were trying to illustrate to us women why it's better for our boys to have saggy pants than pants hiked up to their ribs. I think the discussion was well worth it just for this picture!